ABOUT

I have one eye.
22. Minnesota. Everything you could ever want with no depth perception. I do things here. Other things elsewhere.

PAGES

Twitter

    pityfriend:

    *jokes about dating you until it actually happens*

    (via thefreshprinceof-denmark)

    tramampoline:

    Favourite jokes

    • Referring to any four-legged animal as a weird dog
    • Massively underestimating the number of nearly uncountable objects
    • Massively overestimating the number of clearly countable objects
    • Bad puns in TV episode titles

    (via eager-eevee)

    lecterings:

    'where is the pen i was using like 3 seconds ago' an autobiography i'll never write because i keep losing the pen i was using like 3 seconds ago.

    (via ghoustly)

    HOW TO COOK THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF PASTA:

    sarcastic-sanity:

    1. Pour out how much you think you need.

    2. Wrong.

    (via littlemermac)

    nerdjpg:

    "beware of dog" they say. of course i will be aware of the dog. i love dogs. i am aware of all dogs.

    (Source: nerdjpg, via doctoraprilpotter)

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